Strength

   

 Strength isn't how much you can handle before you break,  It's  about how much you can handle after you break.

Birthday

 What a nice few days out.  I so love it when the weather is nice you want to do anything.  The pups have been having a ball out,  they love when I get up, get a drink, and head to the gate on the deck to let them out.  I stay out a long time when I can because if I don't my Belle will come in the house to be with me.  All the birds are appearing again.  I could sit out all day and enjoy all sounds.  Sometimes I have to make myself get up  and try to get something done.


My birthday was Thursday and I had the eye Doctor that's always fun.  Steve brought me and I always feel bad that he's stuck having to wait around.  After that we went to Aubrey's for lunch and that was nice,  I love that place. No junk food there,  everything we ever had is always good.  Other than that my birthday was quiet,  my Sis called,  my Granddaughter and other friends left messages on Facebook.  I didn't get any cards from anyone and I missed that,  cards are my favorite,  it shows someone took the time out for you.


Tomorrow is ST.Patrick's day and it's the one day a year I love watching QVC.  All day and night they have so many things from Ireland.  I try to always get at least one thing if I can.  This year I will probably just get my perfume they sell.  Inis, I love that stuff and it's nice and light for spring and summer.


I also took out our last turkey in the freezer and am making that for Sunday dinner with all the fixings!  it's a little challenging cooking with no salt and little butter but last time I cooked turkey everything came out good. Of course the pups will feast tonight as well lol.  Its going to be rainy this week so no fishing but in the mean time I will look for places we can go. Steve is doing great on his diet,  I'm proud he hasn't fussed at all about it.

A little taste

The last three days have been so nice out!  Holly came over three days in a row,  once with Alicia and the kids,  everyone ate lunch on the deck.  That was nice because I almost always eat alone.  Steve likes to eat in bed or at the computer. We use to always eat together,  now no matter how nice a meal I make,  I usually end up in the dinning room alone.


Holly turned the dirt around in my garden beds,  I need to add nicer dirt and fertilizer and let that sit a few weeks at least before I plant.  Today is Wednesday and we haven't gone fishing,  five warm days past by and now the next few day are going to be cold and damp.


We got the truck back but it still don't run right.  Good job Rob. Tomorrow is the eye surgeon.  I hope that don't take too long.  Tomorrow I will be 55 years old.

Here we go again

Haven't been on for a bit,  having a bad few days with the husband.   I felt like I was sent back in time four years ago.  It sucked!  It always sucks.  I hate that feeling I get and I am never wrong.  Wish I was but I'm not.


I have a lot to think about,  serious things.  I have three months the Doctor said till I have to make some decisions about where I'm going with this kidney disease.  It's a lot to process.  My sister and most people would probably say do everything you can to continue living.  Living?  this isn't living to me.  I don't mean being sick,  surgeries, medication,  I can handle all of that.  I've done it all before.  But cleaning, cooking, running the house isn't something to live for. You want to live for the people in your life,  because they make you feel loved and wanted,  or because despite your illness  or age you still have fun,  romance, a life. I can take all the hard work but that's not enough for me.  We are both retired,  not in debt but, we rarely do anything. We have all this free time and we hardly use it.  There are some things I can't do because of my leg but,  I still can do and enjoy many things.  Anyone who really knows me,  know I am easy please,  it doesn't take much to make me happy.  My husband says he doesn't care what decision I make,  I think he really means it. 


I don't want to force anything on him.  I didn't even want to tell him I was sick but the Doctor said I was in late stage CKD so I needed to tell him.  You don't want your spouse and family to feel like they have to be nice to you because you may die sooner or later.  You want to be treated real.  So far Steve treats me as he always does,  doesn't pull any punches and don't care about hurting my feelings,  But I rather him be that way than fake.


I would like to make some nice memories this year for him before I can't.

Got out !

Yesterday was a nice day out.  I almost thought it wasn't going to happen,  Steve forgot we were suppose to go to breakfast,  an antique store, and to get our fishing license.  We didn't go to breakfast and that was fine because we had coffee and chatted for awhile.  We did go pretty far to only find out that the place closed down.  That stunk because I loved nearly everything in that place.  Steve drove awhile longer and found a small place where I scored some antique ball jars!  Love them so much!


We went to Wal-Mart and got our fishing and hunting license's,  some nice chairs and few other things.  I hope we really go fishing this year a lot.  Last year I bought a nice thermos  for coffee and a nice cooler bag.  I love picnic's,  I'm not sure why,  I just do.


It' still so cold in this house,  it makes it hard to cook or clean when your body is shivering and your hands feel frozen.  I need to get things done because I am running errands with Holly and Alicia Saturday.  We are going to Sam's Club and Aldi's.  I've been trying to stock up when I can so this summer I can save some money.  Everything is dam expensive and I'll be dammed if we go without  anything,  we did enough of that the first twenty years because the kids got every extra dime we had. Not that any of them appreciated it.  Sound bitter?  Dam straight!