A little taste

The last three days have been so nice out!  Holly came over three days in a row,  once with Alicia and the kids,  everyone ate lunch on the deck.  That was nice because I almost always eat alone.  Steve likes to eat in bed or at the computer. We use to always eat together,  now no matter how nice a meal I make,  I usually end up in the dinning room alone.


Holly turned the dirt around in my garden beds,  I need to add nicer dirt and fertilizer and let that sit a few weeks at least before I plant.  Today is Wednesday and we haven't gone fishing,  five warm days past by and now the next few day are going to be cold and damp.


We got the truck back but it still don't run right.  Good job Rob. Tomorrow is the eye surgeon.  I hope that don't take too long.  Tomorrow I will be 55 years old.

Here we go again

Haven't been on for a bit,  having a bad few days with the husband.   I felt like I was sent back in time four years ago.  It sucked!  It always sucks.  I hate that feeling I get and I am never wrong.  Wish I was but I'm not.


I have a lot to think about,  serious things.  I have three months the Doctor said till I have to make some decisions about where I'm going with this kidney disease.  It's a lot to process.  My sister and most people would probably say do everything you can to continue living.  Living?  this isn't living to me.  I don't mean being sick,  surgeries, medication,  I can handle all of that.  I've done it all before.  But cleaning, cooking, running the house isn't something to live for. You want to live for the people in your life,  because they make you feel loved and wanted,  or because despite your illness  or age you still have fun,  romance, a life. I can take all the hard work but that's not enough for me.  We are both retired,  not in debt but, we rarely do anything. We have all this free time and we hardly use it.  There are some things I can't do because of my leg but,  I still can do and enjoy many things.  Anyone who really knows me,  know I am easy please,  it doesn't take much to make me happy.  My husband says he doesn't care what decision I make,  I think he really means it. 


I don't want to force anything on him.  I didn't even want to tell him I was sick but the Doctor said I was in late stage CKD so I needed to tell him.  You don't want your spouse and family to feel like they have to be nice to you because you may die sooner or later.  You want to be treated real.  So far Steve treats me as he always does,  doesn't pull any punches and don't care about hurting my feelings,  But I rather him be that way than fake.


I would like to make some nice memories this year for him before I can't.

Got out !

Yesterday was a nice day out.  I almost thought it wasn't going to happen,  Steve forgot we were suppose to go to breakfast,  an antique store, and to get our fishing license.  We didn't go to breakfast and that was fine because we had coffee and chatted for awhile.  We did go pretty far to only find out that the place closed down.  That stunk because I loved nearly everything in that place.  Steve drove awhile longer and found a small place where I scored some antique ball jars!  Love them so much!


We went to Wal-Mart and got our fishing and hunting license's,  some nice chairs and few other things.  I hope we really go fishing this year a lot.  Last year I bought a nice thermos  for coffee and a nice cooler bag.  I love picnic's,  I'm not sure why,  I just do.


It' still so cold in this house,  it makes it hard to cook or clean when your body is shivering and your hands feel frozen.  I need to get things done because I am running errands with Holly and Alicia Saturday.  We are going to Sam's Club and Aldi's.  I've been trying to stock up when I can so this summer I can save some money.  Everything is dam expensive and I'll be dammed if we go without  anything,  we did enough of that the first twenty years because the kids got every extra dime we had. Not that any of them appreciated it.  Sound bitter?  Dam straight!

cold again

Another week of promise of warm weather but,  it's still pretty nippy out.  At least the sun is shinning today but still to cold for me to go out and do anything.  Steve went out for a short while and worked but there too much for just one guy to do my himself.  Though he's done a lot of work outside since we moved here and when we first got here the land was never touched,  it was all woods.  They had to clear a path just to build the house.


 Holly is suppose to come and help with the gardens in the back of the house,  bird feeders,  and deck.  I'm just waiting for spring and I want to be ready for it!  I planted kind of late last year so I don't want to make that mistake again. I'm needing a new grill this year,  I hope to have one by Mother's day.


I also have the kidney doctor tomorrow,  I hope I won't have to go back for awhile.  My arm is so sore from all the blood work this month and I only have two spots on just the one arm where they can draw from. I'm finally getting a better idea of what I can and can not eat so hopefully some weight will come off.  They did say it might take a bit because of the sudden diet change and salt reduction.  All I can do is keep trying.


I found out fishing season starts Saturday,  I hope we go often this year. I would love to catch fresh fish regularly . I love it,  Steve loves it and the pups!  Got to save some money for the roof,  Steve's 60th birthday and maybe a small vacation at the end of the hot summer!

Beeks Birthday

It's the weekend and it's suppose to be nice out the next few days.  Thursday was our oldest granddaughter's birthday and she came over for dinner with her Mom, brother two babies and boyfriend.  I cooked dinner,  some of her favorite stuff and she loved it!  Holly brought her the cake and ice cream.  They were here for a few hours so we had a nice visit.  Her little's are getting more and more use to the dogs each time they come over,  so that's a good thing because Steve don't have much patience when they cry and get scared with those three very large dogs coming at them.


I have a long list of things I want to get done over the warm weekend.  I wish we could go for a ride to the mountains and have a picnic. Or go shooting outside if it's warm enough but,  it's so hard to get Steve to do anything.  He has to be in an extra good mood.  It's tough,  he is not one to plan anything very often.  He'll talk about things but that's it.  It's always bothered me that if he wants or needs something he'll go right out and get it but,  he'll never say to himself,  let me bring home a pizza,  dinner, or lunch,  after all she cooks every day of her life with very little breaks.  If I want a pizza in front of the fire I would have to make it. There are so many little things that I love and that easily pleases me.


I really want this spring and summer to be different.  We've been here almost five years and we never went fishing, camping, to the movies or out for a real dinner.  I hate that I might die and  all the memories he'll have is me cooking and cleaning,  or nagging at him.


I love you Steve,  I still wouldn't trade you for anything.