New Journey

You know that old phrase,  you never what's going to happen.  Well it happened,  I went to the emergency room just before New Year's because my right arm was hurting so bad and I couldn't move it to save my life!  So off  to the ER I went.

Of course they ask a million questions, take a lot of blood,  and any other test they seem fit doing,  all the while your on the verge of vomiting and your thinking you can't go on much longer with the pain!  And then it happens...The Doctor comes in and you think,  finally I am going to get some relief.

They shoot me up with some wonderful pain meds that just makes it bearable and then smack with the news!  They have no idea what's wrong with my arm but,  I now have CKD,  know as chronic kidney disease.  What?  that's crazy,  I don't smoke or drink,  I don't eat a lot of fatty foods!  What the hell!  Before I know it I am being admitted and all this confusing information is thrown at me.  So much to absorb and process.


The first thing you think is when am I going to die?  Am I going on dialysis,  just the thought of that makes my head hurt.  My mom and sister was on that.  I know you can't live long on dialysis.  My sister got a kidney transplant and my mother died shortly after. What will happen to my husband? my dogs, cat?  You start crying and then tell yourself to stop it!  I have my sister to talk to but that's it.  You don't want to talk to your husband to much because you don't know what he's thinking about all this and you don't want to be a cry baby.  It's life and you deal with it,  you don't want your family feeling sorry for you or obligated to spend more time with you just because.. So what do you do?


I've decided to,  as always make the best of a bad ass situation and just do the best I can.  So I made my new Doctors appointments,  signed up on a kidney site that gives great information, recipes, etc.. What else can you do but make some big changes and hope that some of it will pay off.  I also made a vow to myself that I'm not going to consume myself and others with the kidney talk.  My blog here will be where I can write my feeling's,  fears, frustrations as this new journey unfolds... Maybe some day when I'm gone my husband will read this and get to see through my eyes.

I must mention it's just been over a week since I've been home and he's been so helpful which means a lot to me.  I love you Steve.

welcome surprises

Last Monday my grandson came in my room to tell me a bird was flying around the kitchen,  for all you knew it could have been a fly, bettle, or something else.  I said what kind of bird? maybe a hummingbird he said.  So I got up and there it was flying all over the kitchen with the three dogs and cat barking at it.

It was small and just couldn't figure out how to get back out,  he kept flying to the lights pecking at the specks so I shut the lights off and put the dogs and cat outside.  Then I put a small plate with hummingbird food out on the counter hoping that would attract him and I could catch him.  Well that wasn't working so well and I was hot and tired but it was going to be dark soon so had to do something.  I took my broom and when he stopped to rest I gently tried to coax him out but  he fell right to my counter exhausted!  I was able to grab him and I had my grandson bring out the food.  The poor little thing was so tired he just sat in my hand,  I checked him out and he seemed unhurt. I took my finger tip and dipped it in the food and dropped a few drops of the food and he welcomed it happily.  I did that a few times and he perked up, looked around and flew off!  I love all birds but hummers are one of my favorites and I never got so close to any.  What a treat it was to hold such a fragile little creature and share it with my grandson.

Are you a Prepper?

My husband and I have started watching Doomsday Prepper's over the last year and I have to say I really enjoy it for the most part. One of my gripes would be that overall  it isn't targeted at low income family's or family's living on a tight budget.  Some of them spend thousands and thousands of dollars,  or even more than that.

Now they all have their own reasons for prepping,  I agree with some  and the jury is still out on other's!

However,  I do most of the shopping and meal planning and ordering our medications so Steve didn't realize just how much food has sky rocketed over the years, let alone in this past year.  Because I purchase many of the same products on a regular basis I am quick to realize the price's are going up at a blink of an eye.  Now I am not talking about a few cents,  in some case's dollars. You times that by  a carriage of merchandise,  that adds up to a lot of money in a year.  And to top that off we now have two different taxes on food.

Now last year here in Tn we actually had tornado's and we had no electricity for nearly a week.  We had no mail delivery, so we had no checks delivered.  All the food in our filled freezers pretty much had to be thrown out.  No hot water, phones, nothing!  We weren't prepared because we were told  when we moved here we would never see snow and never have a tornado.  We we saw both the very first year we was here. Luckily we survive because we adapted,  but I have to say it wasn't easy.

   I want to at least try to prepare the best I can and with what we can afford. So I sat down and made list of every day things we use and all the foods, cleaning products , pet food, medicines, first aide,  and I have to say it was a hell of a long list! I kept trying to cut back the list but there was few things I could cross off.

My dilemma ? how do we do this while still staying out of debt.  So the last six months or so I have researched and researched ways to stock up on all our needs and where we would store things with in reason. Still keeping out of debt I've managed to get a good stock going so far. The husband is in charge of protection, chopping down trees for heat if needed and taking care of our chickens. He bought a generator so our investment in the freezer wouldn't go to waste.  But,  we still have a lot of things we need like paper goods, more pet food, batteries, etc. Now that we need a new roof we are going to have to hold off on any big purchases for a bit.  I am going to hit the farmers markets and can what I can afford and still try and buy a few cans of freeze dried food every month.  You would be surprised how fast it adds up!  We are planning to fish to add to our freezer as well. I wish my husband would hunt for a deer this year as well but, we'll have to see.

Monday Blues

 Had such a productive weekend and only for Steve and Myself to get into a small squabble very early this morning. Yesterday I walked in on something I wasn't thrilled about but I didn't say a word or make a fuss over it. I made a nice dinner and desert and Steve and the pups were happy about that.

When something bothers me I get very quiet,  I try to give myself some time to calm down because I hate to have an argument despite what Steve may think. In the older days I would always react and yell first and then be sorry for not thinking things out.  But, when he started to bust my chops this morning,  I tried saying I was being quiet to avoid just this from happening.  Well the words were short and at least neither of us said any real damming things so I was grateful for that.  But now I know him so well that it just plain sucks sometimes!  I know we won't be doing laundry today or going to the store for a few important things that I need because he'll just keep to himself and act like the injured party all day long.  I hate this I don't want to spend my last years like this all the time.  It's just I can't always not say anything.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, meanwhile I'll get things done and wash a few things out by hand. I'm on day three of cutting back and I have to admit the first two days were hard as hell!  My goal today is not have any snacks tonight and drink drink drink!

Been a long time!

Boy it's been a long time since I've written.  Lots and lots of changes.  My daughter and grand daughter moved out last year after two long years here and finally my husband and myself are alone.  Not sure if that's a good thing sometimes.  We only have the one computer now so I don't get on nearly as often as I like.

So what have I been up to,  I've been back to RI to see some friends, my Sis, my son, and daughter in law last month.  It was great to see everyone but I doubt I'll go back. I've been back three times in four years and it's a very long trip. Nearly 2,000 miles up and back.

This year Steve built me three gardens to get me started to see how I do,  it's a little hard to get to for me but I love it!  Its been awhile since I've had one.  I've started canning again and started to crochet a blanket. I found Pinterest and I am addicted!  such a fun place to get ideas and to be inspired.  The talent some people have is plain amazing! I've read a couple of great books and made a few fantastic new recipes.

Two years ago I lost a lot of weight! all by myself with no help and no one willing to do it with me.  I t was tough!  nearly 70 lbs and I felt so much better and I kept it all off over a year.  But over the past year I slowly started gaining back, not all of it but almost 30 lbs and I have to say it shows and I feel the difference and hate it. I get very overwhelmed here at home sometimes.   We have three large golden retrievers and they make a bloody mess with sticks, fur, and everything else they feel the need to bring in. Not to mention all the wonderful mud and paw prints all over the floors.  It's hard to keep up with let alone running a house, paying bills, and cooking mostly from scratch.  It leaves little time for me to sit down and do things I would like.  When you get older and have alot of aches pains things take awhile longer.  But, once again I decided to get back on the healthier ban wagon...lol  Summer is here and I have great access to fresh fruits and veggies from my garden and local farmers!  I need to do it, I feel tired and look like crap! So today is my first day back and I am sitting here sipping on my ginger/ lemon water and it's yummy!