You know that old phrase, you never what's going to happen. Well it happened, I went to the emergency room just before New Year's because my right arm was hurting so bad and I couldn't move it to save my life! So off to the ER I went.
Of course they ask a million questions, take a lot of blood, and any other test they seem fit doing, all the while your on the verge of vomiting and your thinking you can't go on much longer with the pain! And then it happens...The Doctor comes in and you think, finally I am going to get some relief.
They shoot me up with some wonderful pain meds that just makes it bearable and then smack with the news! They have no idea what's wrong with my arm but, I now have CKD, know as chronic kidney disease. What? that's crazy, I don't smoke or drink, I don't eat a lot of fatty foods! What the hell! Before I know it I am being admitted and all this confusing information is thrown at me. So much to absorb and process.
The first thing you think is when am I going to die? Am I going on dialysis, just the thought of that makes my head hurt. My mom and sister was on that. I know you can't live long on dialysis. My sister got a kidney transplant and my mother died shortly after. What will happen to my husband? my dogs, cat? You start crying and then tell yourself to stop it! I have my sister to talk to but that's it. You don't want to talk to your husband to much because you don't know what he's thinking about all this and you don't want to be a cry baby. It's life and you deal with it, you don't want your family feeling sorry for you or obligated to spend more time with you just because.. So what do you do?
I've decided to, as always make the best of a bad ass situation and just do the best I can. So I made my new Doctors appointments, signed up on a kidney site that gives great information, recipes, etc.. What else can you do but make some big changes and hope that some of it will pay off. I also made a vow to myself that I'm not going to consume myself and others with the kidney talk. My blog here will be where I can write my feeling's, fears, frustrations as this new journey unfolds... Maybe some day when I'm gone my husband will read this and get to see through my eyes.
I must mention it's just been over a week since I've been home and he's been so helpful which means a lot to me. I love you Steve.
Of course they ask a million questions, take a lot of blood, and any other test they seem fit doing, all the while your on the verge of vomiting and your thinking you can't go on much longer with the pain! And then it happens...The Doctor comes in and you think, finally I am going to get some relief.
They shoot me up with some wonderful pain meds that just makes it bearable and then smack with the news! They have no idea what's wrong with my arm but, I now have CKD, know as chronic kidney disease. What? that's crazy, I don't smoke or drink, I don't eat a lot of fatty foods! What the hell! Before I know it I am being admitted and all this confusing information is thrown at me. So much to absorb and process.
The first thing you think is when am I going to die? Am I going on dialysis, just the thought of that makes my head hurt. My mom and sister was on that. I know you can't live long on dialysis. My sister got a kidney transplant and my mother died shortly after. What will happen to my husband? my dogs, cat? You start crying and then tell yourself to stop it! I have my sister to talk to but that's it. You don't want to talk to your husband to much because you don't know what he's thinking about all this and you don't want to be a cry baby. It's life and you deal with it, you don't want your family feeling sorry for you or obligated to spend more time with you just because.. So what do you do?
I've decided to, as always make the best of a bad ass situation and just do the best I can. So I made my new Doctors appointments, signed up on a kidney site that gives great information, recipes, etc.. What else can you do but make some big changes and hope that some of it will pay off. I also made a vow to myself that I'm not going to consume myself and others with the kidney talk. My blog here will be where I can write my feeling's, fears, frustrations as this new journey unfolds... Maybe some day when I'm gone my husband will read this and get to see through my eyes.
I must mention it's just been over a week since I've been home and he's been so helpful which means a lot to me. I love you Steve.
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