Disappointing News

Well it's snowing here in TN...lol   My daughter came over this morning with my Grand Daughter and Great Grandsons today to tell us they are moving to Georgia Saturday and that she is pregnant again!  I'm sad that she is leaving but at least she'll only be two hours away than if she had moved to Texas near her Dad.


I'm hoping that her and her boyfriend will have better luck at finding work or getting some education.  His parents are there and they sound like good hard working people who will put them in the right direction.  I also think with her not being so close to her mother she will get more independent.  I think my daughter holds her back some.


I'm having them over Friday night for a good bye supper,  of course Alicia requested linguica and pepper grinders,   and I'll have to make something for desert.  I will miss her so much.  I don't see her as often as I'd like but it was nice to know she was near by.  The little ones are getting big and fun to be around,   they even play with the dogs and cat now.


Time is just flying bye it seems,  before you know it the warm weather will be here and we will be wishing it was cooler out.

Sunday Sunday

 Boy is it freezing in the house this morning!  even my morning coffee didn't warm me up.  All the pups and cat are in here with me sleeping staying toasty warm because I have a heater in here.   I hope it warms up some so I can get some things done today.  This is a big house to clean and having three big dogs isn't always easy.


Friday I went out with my daughter to run errands and halfway up the driveway I made her stop so I could watch all the bluebirds playing and flying around.   There must have been more than 20 of them! and they were all trying to get into the two bluebird houses Steve put up when we first moved here.  We couldn't stop watching them because besides them there were so many other birds that morning,  it was great to watch.  My Mom would be in heaven here,  she would love seeing so many birds and deer.  I think of her all the time when I especially sit outside.


It's very quiet here,  and in the warmer months with all the trees in bloom we are tucked away from everyone,  far from the street.  I love it,  it's as if we are almost all alone here.  Steve works extra hard here in the warm months to keep the very large yard looking so nice.  We have little hills so when the grass is all cut it looks so nice.  If only I could have flowers,  the dogs love sniffing them and running through them no matter how much room they have to run,   and there is plenty even for three big dogs.

Just another day

  So got up at the crack of dawn to head off to the eye surgeon,  only to be disappointed that I couldn't have it done because there was too much bleeding.   So I have to wait three weeks to go back and see what happens,  February is going to be a busy month!


It's freezing out again today even though we are in the warmer part of TN,  that means the dogs will be keeping me company  today,  Steve has his Drs appointment this afternoon and he hates going!  I'll take that time to do some cooking and try a couple of new kidney friendly recipes.  I have so many limitations it makes things hard on this new diet,  hopefully when I go to the new doctor he'll shed some light and I can move on from there.


As much as I hate the heat I sure would welcome some warm weather to sit outside for awhile.  I love sitting out on the back deck.  Steve mentioned he may enlarge the back deck and I would love it!  It's hard for me to fill the feeders because of the small hill and my foot doesn't bend.  I usually rely on my grandson to help me fill the feeders.  I love the birds and we get lots!  I love the hummers and bluebirds  especially.

Beautiful Day

 What a nice day out today! 61 degrees,  my favorite weather!   I know I must be feeling better because I have the fever for cleaning.  I want to get done what I can by Thursday because they moved up my eye surgery since I had another rupture in my eye.


Today we also had to bring my Belle to the vets for her shots and have them check on her ear that just won't heal from her and her Mama  playing to rough.  She is also having a bath. Just taking a break while waiting for them to call me so we can go get her.  I miss her.


She's back and cried all the way home.  Poor thing sure missed us.  She smells so good and she got her shots and some meds to come home with.  Wednesday Dixie will get done.


I got some cool recipes  for dog biscuits and treats for the pups from Pinterest.  "  I love love that site "  They have so many talented people on there.  It's one of my favorite ways to enjoy myself.




 

Well that's done

 Ahh,  well the electrician came the other day and we actually got a break,  what was wrong was serious but easily fixed and it didn't break the bank!   We have a safe home again and everything is working!  All the extension cords have been picked up and put away.  What a relief that was.

 Next we got our new mattress set delivered and it is awesome!  It's huge and comfortable. Steve loves it and thinks I did a great job picking it out.  In 28 years we never had a decent bed,  we always felt it was to big of a splurge to spend much money on one. He had a great sleep and I'm sure his shoulders and hips were loving it as well.  No more dogs in this bed that's for sure.


Next,  the Doctors,  I like him but it's like pulling teeth to get him to sit for five minutes.  I made him sit though and tried to get as many answers as possible.  My blood pressure was almost perfect.  I lost 10lbs since the hospital.  "  that's a good start " and I found out I'm at stage 2 CKD but,  I think I'm going to treat it like I'm far worse off,  it won't hurt and should help me a lot.  He acted like it was no big deal but the doctors at the hospital acted different.  So I am going to take this seriously and try to do my best. I know how serious CKD is,  my sister got a transplant and my Mom died from it.


Steve still bust my buns about my weight and is forever telling me my modeling days are over and I'm old.   Along with that even after ten years I am still  feeling weird about my missing leg. I did gain 25 of my 68 pounds back this year but I think he thinks I gained it all and that's ok as long as I know I didn't.  At least I kept a large chunk of it off.  All I can do is move forward.

stressing

 I'm sitting here waiting for the electrician to come,  we've had two come already,  one just didn't seem to care that half the house isn't working and that we have extension cords everywhere!  and the other younger man he was pretty sure what the problem was but said we need a contractor for that kind of problem.  That sounds like that could be a lot of money,  but that's was only half the problem,  finding someone to come here was a chore in it's self.  So I am waiting here and he is already two hours late.  You don't want to start anything because when he comes you don't want to stop what your doing or you don't want to get all messy.  I just want us to get a break,  let it be fixable without costing a fortune.


Tomorrow is my doctors appointment,  don't think I'll get much in the way of answers,  meaning I'll have to wait till I go to the kidney doctor and that's three more weeks.  I just want to know exactly where I stand,  what stage am I?  This way I can make plans and get my house in order if need to be. I am feeling better that's for sure but who knows.


Steve has been helping me way more that he ever has in all these years together and I am grateful for any help.  I hate to complain about hurting or being tired but at least we know why I am so tired all the time.  Yesterday was a good day,  I felt pretty good and rested and I always take advantage of those days and try to get as much done as I can. I really want to get a lot of weight off before the spring so I can get outside more often and enjoy it.


One of my resolutions for this year was to try and get us to do more things together.  All we do is errands for the most part.  We've never been to the movies or dinner,  no fishing or picnic's.  We do go shooting but,  not as often as I would like.  I want to make some nice memories before it's too late.

No rain today!

 Yahoo,  I can actually see the sunshine today!  It's been raining  pretty heavy here for a few days and before that bitter cold!

Yesterday I started organizing my study and it sure was a mess but I got a lot done!  Steve helped me clean yesterday so that was a nice break.  Today I will attempt to do more and maybe take the dogs out for awhile,  they behave pretty well for me now and don't take off into the woods anymore.

I've been on both kidney sites for recipes and they are very confusing!  I was told one thing by the nutritionist and yet every thing I read is nearly the opposite.  I guess I'll have to wait till I see my new kidney Dr. and get a better understanding from him,  in the meanwhile I'll try my best on what I eat.

I started crocheting again and I forgot how long it takes to do a blanket..lol  But,  I do enjoy it.
Today I am making homemade pizza for lunch,  it should be interesting using no salt or meat. So we'll see how that goes.  At least Steve is a sweetheart about anything I cook, I could  count how many times he didn't like something I made on one hand in twenty eight years.

My Sis sent me a couple of cards yesterday in the mail and that was sweet.  And my grand daughter Bethany called me to see how I was doing.  Well I better get crackalackin!

Disappointed

Good Morning , NOT!  All I can say is...thank god for my sister Kim, if I didn't have her to talk to I don't know what I do to keep my sanity.

I have three grown children and they have all shocked and disappointed me to the limits! I honestly don't understand why they are the way they are.

At least, I always thought I could count on my oldest daughter Holly,  she can be sweet and giving under the right circumstances.  Steve and myself have always been there for here no matter what,  despite how much she has hurt us over the last 28 years with all her lies and craziness! We figured she is only hurting herself with life of crime, lies after lies, and how she has hurt all three of her children. But, as always she does something that doesn't surprise me once again, lie.  She lies for no reason at all!  She doesn't know anything else. It saddens me that I now know she can't be trusted what's so ever.

So now what do I do?  I guess for my own sanity I'll have to keep her at arms length and see her only occasionally so I can still my grandson and great grandbabies. How sad is that?  Sad but needed.

I can't even talk to Steve about it anymore because it's just more disappointment and he's already had enough of that from his own daughters. We have nothing but takers in our lives, NO givers what so ever.


I sure am tired, emotionally drained, I stare out the window and cry and try to pull myself together before I go hang with my husband.  I want our time together to have no bullshit other than every day things that may come up.  I adore him~~

Another Morning

  Well I weighed up this morning and I didn't lose a single pound!  I must say I am very discouraged,  I got rid of almost all things with sodium,  No snacking at all,  and nearly no carbs!  I am feeling a bit distress this morning. I hope next week will better,  all I can do is keep trying.  I don't get much exercise since my ankle started hurting so much, so that surely isn't helping,  I'll give it month to see what happens when I go to my first Kidney Doctor appointment.


So if that isn't enough to worry about it's been freezing here so the electric bills are going to be high! and our electricity isn't working at all in two rooms all of a sudden and many outlets aren't working!  So I made a dreaded call to an electrician and I'm waiting on that.
I was just starting to feel positive about things,  Steve got us a top of the line washer and dryer,  " we went without for almost a year "  I ordered a nice mattress set,  something we never splurged on in our 28 year relationship,  and we finally started a roof fund going and poof our computer up and died!  we replaced that and now the electricity!  We usually always land on our feet but,  the stress is there!

Today while I wait for the electrician to call back,  I'm going to try and clean my den and get organized.  Things have been muddled around here since Steve and I share a computer. And now that I get a little forgetful I need to go back to my old ways of being OCD with my organizing!  Be back tomorrow~~

New Journey

You know that old phrase,  you never what's going to happen.  Well it happened,  I went to the emergency room just before New Year's because my right arm was hurting so bad and I couldn't move it to save my life!  So off  to the ER I went.

Of course they ask a million questions, take a lot of blood,  and any other test they seem fit doing,  all the while your on the verge of vomiting and your thinking you can't go on much longer with the pain!  And then it happens...The Doctor comes in and you think,  finally I am going to get some relief.

They shoot me up with some wonderful pain meds that just makes it bearable and then smack with the news!  They have no idea what's wrong with my arm but,  I now have CKD,  know as chronic kidney disease.  What?  that's crazy,  I don't smoke or drink,  I don't eat a lot of fatty foods!  What the hell!  Before I know it I am being admitted and all this confusing information is thrown at me.  So much to absorb and process.


The first thing you think is when am I going to die?  Am I going on dialysis,  just the thought of that makes my head hurt.  My mom and sister was on that.  I know you can't live long on dialysis.  My sister got a kidney transplant and my mother died shortly after. What will happen to my husband? my dogs, cat?  You start crying and then tell yourself to stop it!  I have my sister to talk to but that's it.  You don't want to talk to your husband to much because you don't know what he's thinking about all this and you don't want to be a cry baby.  It's life and you deal with it,  you don't want your family feeling sorry for you or obligated to spend more time with you just because.. So what do you do?


I've decided to,  as always make the best of a bad ass situation and just do the best I can.  So I made my new Doctors appointments,  signed up on a kidney site that gives great information, recipes, etc.. What else can you do but make some big changes and hope that some of it will pay off.  I also made a vow to myself that I'm not going to consume myself and others with the kidney talk.  My blog here will be where I can write my feeling's,  fears, frustrations as this new journey unfolds... Maybe some day when I'm gone my husband will read this and get to see through my eyes.

I must mention it's just been over a week since I've been home and he's been so helpful which means a lot to me.  I love you Steve.